Thank you Jenna – I am in a relatively new relationship whilst I am not a stepmom – who knows where things may lead….
Having no experience in this area I took to google for answers and stumbled across your blog.
My partner has two kids. A guy with kids was never something I thought I would take on, but I am surprised at how OK I have been these two little humans being part of the package. The marriage ended a couple of years ago and their relationship quickly goes from amicable to toxic depending on the topic at hand…. The topic of me has been at both ends of the spectrum.
What resonated for me so much with this post, was the feeling of being stuck. Already I have had moments of feeling stuck and I am all too well aware that we have not event scratched the surface. There is so much that is out of my control but after watching this post I feel a lot better about a conversation my partner and I recently had about boundaries and involvement.
To date the kids mom has not let me meet the kids, yet in the time we have been dating she is now onto boyfriend number three and all have been very involved with the kids. My partner has recently put his foot down on the double standard to which she is now throwing up more and more hurdles and delays. It breaks my heart because they have an agreement and she continually ignores it. When he challenges her on that she cuts off his contact with the kids.
Initially I was reluctant to speak up about how much the disrespectful things she was saying about me were hurting my feelings, in the fear that she would cut off his contact with the kids again. In the same breath she has also made a lot of suggestions about joint holidays, staying at their former marital home (if I am ever allowed to visit…) and her desire to be my friend. After I plucked up the courage to have the conversation, my partner fully supports my position, but I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I may have overstepped the line. Watching your post, I am now sure that I was fair and well within my rights.
Thank you again. Your blog is a treasure-trove of advice for this deer in the headlights!
You’re so welcome, Louise! 🙂
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