8 thoughts on “The harassing nature of a high-conflict ex

  1. Hello, I’m new to the online blogging thing but I really don’t know where else to turn to for support from people who may be going through the same things as I am. It’s a long story because I’ve been technically a stepmom for a year and a half but have been in their lives for 3, but with their father for 5 1/2 years. I will admit from the get go that we didn’t do it the right way, but it happened and there’s no dwelling on what we can’t change now. He was in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage and that’s how I came to be. The divorce was very nasty and she was caught by the judge more than once lying. long story short she lost her case as far as wanting to rape my now husband with alimony and child support, so this only ignited the gasoline. It was decided a 50/50 custody. It has been a far cry from happy, normal or even tolerable at times for both of us. The daughter is the oldest and she is out of control. She is verbally and physically abusive to my husband. Has been since the custody arrangement was granted 3 years ago. She is 13 now and a mini horror of her mother. They have both tried and tried to concoct things about my husband to get him arrested and have him lose everything. We have had the cops here countless times and DCF a handful of times too. The latest incident was last Tuesday when he told her to go live with her mother and do not come back. It has been a word that I can’t even explain to anyone how this has been for me personally as a human, a wife, a stepmom, even a daughter and sister. I’m so hopelessly lost and exhausted. There is so much more to this story, but right now we are being harrassed by their mom and the daughter daily. His 9 yr old son is here till school starts to finish out the 2nd half of the summer, but he doesn’t want to talk to either of them. We’re both waiting for the next knock on the door from the police AGAIN. I can go more in detail about this hell later but I’m really looking for someone that can actually help us without costing us a fortune. We have called so many agencies, but to no avail. She is tormenting us and it’s just like it’s ok. I’m at a breaking point, but am still trying to fight along with my husband and stay strong for him too. I feel so lost and empty bc I don’t see a light at the end of this tunnel. Is anybody struggling with a nasty spawn of satan that can’t get help too? I’ve never talked to anybody that is going through this so I feel very very alone.

    • Hi Stacy,

      I just stumbled upon this blog and this post is the first one I wanted to comment on. I truly sympathize with your situation. I have been with my husband for almost 3 years now, married for almost 2, and we also didn’t start off the best way. He was going through a divorce and we just happened upon each other on an online amateur writing site, and the rest is history. I’m fortunate enough that he had tried relentlessly to make the kids act appropriately, even with a psycho ex. He has 8 biological kids with 1 woman, and has 1 adopted daughter who is 22 now. His 2 teenage sons, 14 and 16, live with us as does his 22 yo daughter, because they can’t stand living with her.

      Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I hold on to what I believe God has in store for me. I don’t think I am able to have children, and I’m only 27 yo (my husband’s 42), so I hold on to this belief that God put me with this family to help the children have a sympathetic and loving maternal figure in their lives.

      For the most part his kids are kind and caring, but he had zero contact with his 17 yo daughter because she had sided with her mom, even though the ex has been the abuser in the relationship (physically, verbally, emotionally), cheated on him, and tried to file a fake protection order against him that got dismissed. We are now in a legal battle because she is trying to get more money that she doesn’t spend on the kids and more days with the kids, even though my husband only has weekends, and the ex does not care about the kids happiness. The ex only cares about getting revenge for things that happened in the past that my husband has repented for. He is a good man and a great dad, but the ex being narcissistic, she tries to put people down with any and all lies, deception, and bribery.

      I don’t know how much money you have to invest in trying to find a solution, but my first bet might be to get a psych evaluation for the kids. This would be admissable in court as the psychologist has to report the state of the kids. Next, make sure if your husband is getting threatening texts or calls, to log them all. The more proof of harassment, the better. I also recommend that he switch to just texting his ex. My husband does that because 1. He can’t stand her voice and 2. It’s written so it’s evidence.

      I am truly sorry you have to go through something this awful. I am here for you, as are probably all the stepmoms, so you are not alone in this. I hoped I helped even a little.

      You are in my prayers,

      -Romans 8:28

      • Hey Jo, thx for replying! Things actually have gotten so much better since that post! The ex hired a law firm and wanted every other weekend visits for both with only an increase of $100 per month. My husband said, I’ll do the deal but for her to keep the daughter 100% of the time and he can come back every other weekend and other holiday and for 1/2 of the summer’s. She accepted and the paperwork is in the process of being filed as of yesterday! I also found out yesterday that we’re expecting, and mind u, this was 1 month after I was told from my ob that I more than likely can’t and will not conceive a child on my own, and if I went the route of IVF I more than likely would nerd donor eggs!!!! It’s been a roller coaster to say the least but things have fallen in line. I just list my dad too the end of May to put the cherry on top of everything. Today I feel relueved, grateful and happy for the 1st time in a very very long time. Off subject of stepmom, why do u think u can’t conceive?? Im 40, my husband is 42 , just had a vasectomy reversal this past June and I was told my fertility was pretty much gone. I feel for u, wow!! I’m rooting for u! P.S. my husband never did or does talk to her, it wld b through text but only if necessary, 95% of the time he didn’t respond. I hope everything turns around, and I promise u it will!!!! God works in ways we don’t imagine and it’s always on his timing, but all will fall into place!

        • Hi Stacy!

          I’m so glad to hear everything is coming together for you. It puts a smile on my face when people are happy. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that in the past, but everything that happens is a lesson.

          Congratulations! I will be praying that you and the baby are healthy and your delivery goes smoothly.

          I have not had my menstrual cycle since February, and I have never been one to skip a month since I was 13. I am definitely not pregnant now, and my husband and I have been trying for sometime now. There is just something in the back of my mind that tells me I am not suppose to have kids. I don’t know, maybe I am just being crazy.

          I am just so happy for you. I will pray for you, your child, your husband, and his kids.

          God Bless You.

          Warmest Regards,

          Ephesians 4:31

          • Aww you’re so sweet, thank u😊. Trust me, I felt that same way bc even before “trying” it has never happened and even before my husband, I wasn’t always on birth control, so in my mind I thought, ok, I can’t get pregnant. Are you seeing a doctor about the months of missed periods? Being so young too there’s a lot that can b fixed or controlled with meds. Just don’t give up bc u deserve it just like anybody else!! I am sending u tons of love, well wishes and baby dust!! Everything works out. 😚

  2. I see people talking about how split families are sad and confusing for the children. The BM gets so much praise for being a “strong single mom”. As if the father was a bad person for choosing to leave the abuse and not to subject the child to the constant fighting and manipulation that comes with staying in that situation. And the step mom is what? Someone moving in to try and take her place?
    The real story here is so twisted and dark. BM doesn’t want to make a network of equally caring parents working together to create a healthy loving environment for the child. And while as a stepmom if you say that Mom’s true motivation is to cause havoc and stress and chaos in both the father (never married in this case) new stepmom and even the child’s life, no one would believe it. Stepmom looks jealous of the woman who got pregnant. It is a very isolating feeling. And when you have wronged BM in some way, she will just go to social media and call father a sperm donor and post on how she is all alone and the masses praise her for her strength. Forgetting all of the time and money and love that father gives and always has given that child despite the punishment the BM gives him for not wanting to be with her.
    This is a thankless job. And it does make you overwhelmed to know that someone is waging a war against you because you had the misfortune to fall in love with someone who got her pregnant. But the rest of the world… sees a strong single mom and a dad who is with some new girl at the moment.
    That is why a network of women who understands your situation is vital.

    • Thank you…yes it’s a horrible misconception, but my situation has resolved itself, and we r moving on w our lives and starting the next chapter!

    • I could not agree more. I have never said one bad thing about the BM, but i get nothing but a barrage of horrible insults and lies coming my way. I have never even spoken to her.

      I see the truth, but strangers will only ever believe the BM and whatever lies she wants to put out there about the biological father and will allow everyone else to say bad things about him, even in front of the kids, and that’s what upsets me the most. I can take any bad things said about me, but when you start talking bad about my husband and the father of those kids, that’s when I feel like breaking my resolve and spread the same garbage about her, but I don’t ever want to stoop down to that level.

      It’s just a horrible situation with what seems like no resolution in sight.

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