Stepmother’s Day Is On Its way!

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Stepmother's DayDid you know that this year Stepmother’s Day is on Sunday, May 15? If not, you’re not alone.

It’s not an official holiday. You might find one or two Stepmother’s Day cards at a random Hallmark store. And I heard that Walmart sells a “#1 stepmom shirt.” But other than that, it’s a day that will likely come and go without notice by most of society.

Some stepmoms couldn’t care less about Mother’s Day. They don’t feel like “mom” and have no desire to be celebrated as such.

But others dread the day. Will they be acknowledged for “mothering” their stepchildren? Will their husbands even think to celebrate them? And if not, what does that mean about their value as a stepmom?

About the kids…

Depending on your situation, the kids might not feel right celebrating you on Mother’s day. Even if they hold you in the highest regard, they may feel like they’re betraying mom if they celebrate you on her day.

I would tell you not to take it personally, but you probably will anyways. So let your family know about Stepmother’s Day, it’s a great way for the kids to be able to celebrate you without the guilt.

About the Men…

If you’re looking for acknowledgment, whether it be on Mother’s Day or Stepmother’s Day, you’re probably going to have to ask for it.

If you find yourself thinking “he should know…” then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and setting him up for failure.

In my Stepmom Transformation Coaching Program, we talk about how single-focused men are, how they’re not mind readers and they don’t take hints. Which means your fantasy of a surprise celebration in your honor most likely won’t happen unless you’ve told him you’d like a surprise celebration on this day and at this time.

I know that doesn’t sound romantic, but most men aren’t wired to think about these things. So do everyone a favor and set your husband up for success.

All he really wants is to make you happy, so help him accomplish that and the whole family wins. 

About you…

What does this day mean to you? Are you letting your worth as a woman and a stepmom be determined by the level of acknowledgment from your family? If so, I urge you to think twice. Find your value in yourself, in who you are as a person.

There are a million reasons that your family might not think to celebrate you (that’s why I suggest you remind them), but it has nothing to do with you. You’re a valuable member of your family and you’re loved.

Your footprint is evident in the new man your husband has become since meeting you and the positive light you’ve added to your stepchild’s life.

Whether you receive a card or not, those facts remain the same. As does the love your family has for you.

Happy Step/Mother’s Day, stepmoms!

What are your thoughts on Mother’s Day and Stepmother’s Day? How will you celebrate? 

© 2012 Jenna Korf    All Rights Reserved

(photo credit:savit keawtavee) 
 

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16 thoughts on “Stepmother’s Day Is On Its way!

  1. I am step mom to 3 amazing childern that I have raised for the past nine years amd will continue to raise! ! I dont look at my kids as a step child or me as there step mom. We celebrate on mothers day!! But I like the idea of step parent day!! There are lots of individuals that step up to the plate and they do not get reconized!! Being a step parent is almost harder than being an actual parent!! Its a hard job to do but I wouldn’t trade it or my kids for anything!! 🙂

    • Hi Zoe, it’s the 17th. It was the 20th the year that I first wrote that post, which was in 2012. 🙂 I entered the current date in italics at the top of the article hoping to avoid confusion. I guess it didn’t work! 😉

  2. I love this article, Jenna! Mother’s Day has been hard for me for many years. My mother passed away 19 years ago, and the last day I saw her was on Mother’s Day of that year. She died just two weeks after our Mother’s Day celebration of our favorite things- shopping, lunch, and a movie. On top of that, I never had children of my own. So, when I became a stepmom to my husband’s two children, I wondered how I would feel about Mother’s Day. But, much like you suggested, I told my husband that I would like to be acknowledged. He beautifully came through for me with a heartfelt card and gorgeous flowers, and a card from each of his children expressing how grateful they were to have me in their lives. Thanks to him and his kids, Mother’s Day has become much less painful. However, I, of course, never get to see the kids on Mother’s Day, so we have always celebrated the week after. I never knew we were celebrating on the Officially Unofficial Stepmother’s Day! 😀

    • Wow, Shawn, I can see how Mother’s Day could have been so difficult for you. I’m glad your husband stepped up and made it special for you. Yay for good men everywhere! 🙂

  3. How do you determine which day it will be in May if it’s not a recognized holiday? Would love to know for the future. Thanks ( Stepmom to 5 kids besides my 2 🙂 )

      • But ironically I’m seeing everywhere that THIS YEAR (2016) it was the week BEFORE Mother’s Day and I missed it! WHY oh why would they do this? It’s just wrong lol! So how do we make this an official holiday? With the divorce and remarriage rate there are almost as many stepmoms as there are moms but we are still alienated and made to feel less than. How can we change the perception? I live in Philadelphia, not a small city by any means – there are ZERO stepmom support groups in the city. I need one so badly, I need a friend who knows what I’m going through but they’re nowhere to be found (besides online). I truly believe it’s the perception (home wreckers whereas the majority are not, evil, hate the kids, doesn’t act like a mom, how DARE SHE act like a mom lol) are the reason Groups don’t exist. Sorry I’m all over the place with this post I really did just come here because I was upset with the date change but apparently other things were nothing me as well 😉

        • Hi Sandra, it’s always the week after Mother’s Day. I’ve seen a couple of sites claiming it was on the first of May this year, but I don’t believe that’s legit. Anyways, I agree there’s a lack of in-person support. I started a support group in California through meetup.com when I couldn’t find any. We ended up with over 200 members, although when I moved to NY it collapsed. You could start your own. There are no doubt many more stepmoms in your area who could use the support. 🙂

  4. We celebrate ON Mother’s Day regardless. My stepmom is my mom. I had 2 moms & 1 dad. My daughter was raised same way, her stepmom was also her mom. My 2 stepsons are raised the same way. I don’t need a separate day to tell me I am not their biological mom. I am their mom too.

    • Beautiful that every member of your family allowed for that! That your husband’s ex didn’t mind, that the kids felt comfy with that and that everyone embraced everyone. Wish that was the norm instead of the exception. 🙂

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